Children and adolescents who have experienced divorce have unique needs. Even in relatively amicable circumstances, stress, conflict,
and loss all happen at once, and this can become overwhelming for parents and their children. Parents struggle with guilt, fear, and
anxiety as they try to maintain the provision of support, understanding, and comfort to their children.
Children see the physical and
emotional split happening between their parents, and then try to adjust to conflicting parental messages, disruptions in stability
and consistency, and the possibility of blended family issues. It is common for children and adolescents to act-out or deteriorate
due to misguided feelings of self-blame and guilt, or as a means to bring parents back together, heroically attempting to restore
the lost family. Parents need strong support and guidance as they make their own transitions into new individual and parenting roles.
Through a therapeutic focus on divorce issues, children and adolescents have learned:
- To reduce feelings of guilt and to recognize, they are not the cause of their parents divorce
- Positive coping and adjustment strategies to altered family roles and rules
- Identify loss, sadness, anger, and fear in ways that promote healthy expression
- To develop a sense of hope about the future and about relationships
- My work with parents dealing with divorce issues focuses on:
Helping to develop consistent parenting at both homes, and avoiding child and adolescent manipulation and "splitting"
dynamics
Helping move away from bitterness and blaming, and move towards practical problem-solving
Helping parents focus on nurturing and supporting their children despite their own relationship challenges
Divorce is a traumatic experience for the whole family. The adolescent years can seem overwhelming to any teen, and particularly to
adolescents dealing with their parents' divorce. The separation of parental figures can have a tremendous effect on a child's safety,
security, and stability. This change in family structure and consistency can feel as if a death had occurred. An end and loss to the
relationship now represents a new life of uncertainty and fear.
In many situations, a child will internalize their fears and develop
new ways to express their emotions. Children and adolescents can become defiant, reserved, develop drug and substance issues,
perform poorly at school, and associate with other troubled kids that find inappropriate ways to articulate their fears and anger.
Even if your teen or child is accustomed to your specific arrangement: bouncing between Mom and Dad, having only one custodial
parent, or possibly, dealing with stepsibling rivalry- new concerns may emerge during these years.
There are four basic goals to achieve when working with children who have experienced a parental divorce. The first is to provide
the child or adolescent the opportunity to discuss thoughts and feelings and to communicate their concerns. The second is to normalize
divorce as a common occurrence that is experienced by other children. The third is to assist the children in developing an appropriate
understanding of their position in the process of divorce. The fourth is to assist the child or adolescent in finding a healthy way to
express their emotions to ones they love.
To learn more, visit my website at
RandiFredricks.com, call 408-315-0645,
or
contact me online
.
